Moving tribulations

[green_amber]

Tonight I tried to value my wordly goods for the insurance for the move. Including my entire wardrobe. What the fuck? how much would it cost YOU to replace every skirt, jacket, coat, scarf, PVC dress and pair of kinky boots you possess? How on EARTH am I meant to even vaguely know what it would all cost to replace??? Tomorrow I may do a poll. ..

Also when I leave town, do i give people presents, or do they give me them? How do I know? What about my venerable cleaning lady? My long suffering secretary? My woebegone friends? My relieved colleagues? My pessimistic shrink? What on earth is the etiquette?!

Comments

[vicarage.livejournal.com]

When I shipped my stuff to the States the company asked for an exact inventory of the stuff for insurance purposes, AFTER I'd sealed the container, down to the last pair of socks. I just laughed at them and went with a company that would quote against an overall figure. Mind you, the chances of damage for a container crossing the Atlantic in mid-winter are probably higher than on the A34, so I would just check if your household insurance would cover the move if you offer to stay with them, as waistcoatmark found they would (http://waistcoatmark.livejournal.com/132964.html)

As for the value of my clothes, I'd ask the rag trade...

Presents only for the cleaner.

[surliminal.livejournal.com]

Why not the secretary? or the shrink? Both have done me good service.. I agree the latter probably earns more than me but is that what it's about?

[vicarage.livejournal.com]

Its a matter of social status. Do you consider the secretary your social equal or your inferior? Giving a present implies the latter, which they might not like.

Your shrink is clearly your social superior :-)

[surliminal.livejournal.com]

I'm not convinced it';s that simple you see. patients were always giving my dad presents when he was a GP and he was their social superior :-)

If my masseuse hadn't already moved to Arran I would definitely have given her something.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

It's easy. Do you want to get them a gift? Then do it.

What's the point of a gift that was given because it was obliged? If it's not obliged then it's actually a gift and you can give it to anyone you like for whatever reason you want to.

[surliminal.livejournal.com]

I don't actually think it's that simple (this time either.) Given unequal relationships (in terms of both money and affection), gifts often cement relationships and respect these inequalities while still saying "this relationship is or was important to me". I see this a lot with my Chinese students. Also gifts allow us to feel wanted and cherished on a reliable basis, hence some obligations. How would you feel if on your birthday one of your closest friends didn't give you anything, because they weren't in a gift buying mood, or hadn't felt especially fond of you lately? (Not because they were skint - that would be acceptable.) Obligation isn't always a bad thing.

One of my problems is, eg, if I give a gift to one secretary I have found especialy helpful, will others feel slighted I have also worked with for a long time(given none of them are actually "my secretary" these days.) You can cause ill will by doing just what you feel too. With my shrink the problem reverses: i would like to give him something but do not want to make *him* feel uncomfortable . My cleaning lady is the least difficult scenario, for reasons I can't quite articulate.

[hawkida.livejournal.com]

How would you feel if on your birthday one of your closest friends didn't give you anything, because they weren't in a gift buying mood, or hadn't felt especially fond of you lately?

You've picked an utterly useless example as a demonstration as that's exactly how I approach friends' birthdays and it's largely the same in reverse. Last year family, one friend and Tobes bought me a present for my birthday so far as I recall and I have a hell of a lot more friends than that. An dif they're not currently fond of me then that's rather stretching the "friend" definition.

I agree that "If I buy for X then Y of same status might be jealous" is an issue, but for the rest I really would approach it as "Do I want to give them a thank you gift?" and do it (or not) on that basis entirely.

[surliminal.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not such a useless example, as it proves we feel differently about these things. I have certain people I expect birthday pressies (not to many - maybe 5) from, and would feel upset if they deliberately ignored it (not forgot under pressure or had no dosh).Of course eventually you draw apart from some people but that's kind of a long drawn out thing.

[thishardenedarm.livejournal.com]

the shrink will need a transitional object to transfer his hopelesness on to....and you're will rid of that.

[trav28.livejournal.com]

You must catalogue the kinkiness in photo form...!